espresso

For centuries, parents have been discouraging their children from doing drugs. Which is totally understandable. They do horrible things to your brain. I'll try not to preach about that too much, but it really feels like today could turn into a rant day.

One thing that really makes me laugh though, is when mothers tell their daughters to stop smoking pot, right after ordering them a quadruple shot latte in a coffee shop (a personal favourite of mine). Maybe they just don't understand the addictive qualities in coffee that are also present in any other drug. When people wake up in the morning with a headache, and need their coffee fix, it's an addiction.

Some people that I know, (not gonna name any names, but it is NOT me) are hooked to the point that they are physically sick if they don't get caffeine for a couple days. It doesn't matter though, because it's delicious. Here a are a few more things you might want to know about coffee http://theoatmeal.com/comics/coffee/

On the subject of overpriced coffee, I would just like to point out that that is what is making you fat. People don't realize that unless you specifically order a non-fat/sugar-free drink, or just have straight coffee, there are a billion calories in there. You are paying to be fat. I totally don't have anything against coffee, just stop complaining.

Drugs are good.

Live long and prosper.

yellow snow

I would just like to add something to my last post: Due to scheduling conflicts, and someone's best interest, cream cheese has been added to the icing. That is all.

So the weather's getting colder. Snow's piling up (eh). The year is coming to a close. Since this is such an important time of year, a lot of people are focused on themselves, and are determined to set new goals to better themselves. It's such a hectic time, in fact, that most people forget a lot of the basic rules of survival that scraped them through natural selection.

People, (ok, let's be honest here...)

Person, I am here to get you through the new year. Here are a few things you will need to remember in everyday life. I'll skip over the obvious things like sleeping and partying it up every so often. Those will come naturally. Other things, like breathing, may be a little trickier for you to master.

1) Rules one and two.

2) RULES ONE AND TWO! (It's not that hard people!!!)

3) When given the choice between veggies and cake, pick cake.

4) Gravy boats works better when they have chocolate sauce in them.

5) Don't talk to people on the bus. Even if it is the holiday season, it's still creepy.

6) If your sock has a hole in it, you'll be wearing boots anyways.

7) Stop signs aren't optional... on the third Tuesday day of every month that starts with an M, as long as the digits of that day add up to 6.

8) If you listen to Justin Beaver, Lolcat will eat your cookeez.

9) Don't lick frozen metal poles, silly.

10) Don't eat the yellow snow. (This one is especially tricky to remember, but I KNOW you can do it.)

I hope you follow these guidelines, and are successful in surviving the most wonderful time of the year. http://corndogger.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/invisible-frozen-pole-271x300.jpg

Live long and prosper.

cupcake

Cupcake cupcake cupcupcake. Cuppety-cake cake cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cake? Cupcake. Cupcake cup cakecake cupcake. Cupcake cupcake-cupcake cuppycake cup. Cup cake. Cupcakey. Cakey cup! Cupcake.

Cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cup cakecake cake. Cup. Cupcakecup. Cakecup. Cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cupcake. Cuppy cakey! Cupcup. Cupcake. Cup cake cupcake cupcake.

Icing. Hells yes, icing.

Cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cup... cake. Cuppy cupcake. Cakeddy cupcake. Cup cupcake. Cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cuppycakester cup cup. Cupcake cake cake cake. Cupcake. Cupcake-cake. Cup? Cake! Cupcake.

Cupcake cupcake cupcake cup. Cake. Cup cakecup. Cakey cup cuppy. Cake cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cupcake. Cup cake cupcake.

Sprinkles.

Still not hungry? http://www.allthingscupcake.com/

Live long and prosper.

bullies are people too

I'm just gonna dive right into this. What's with all these anti-bully days or weeks that keep taking place in schools? Isn't the basis of bullying making someone feel badly for being different that you are? For picking on them because you don't like what they do? Anti-bullying days totally defeat the point of anti-bullying days.

Has no one even thought that bullies are mean simply because people wanted them gone? Bullies bully people, and therefore said people hold anti-bully days. These anti-bully days make bullies feel terrible, which causes them to bully people even more. You still with me?

It's one of those obnoxious chicken vs. egg things. Which started first? You tell me. Vicious cycles are one of my biggest pet peeves. Someone or something in the cycle just needs to be the bigger man and leave the country.

So guys, if you're going to take anything away from this, just remember that bullies are people too. They're born, they grow up, they die, and THEY HAVE RIGHTS!

Live long and prosper.

PS. Bullying: It all starts here... http://www.thosefunnypictures.com/picture/6592/sumo-babies.html

anorexic plastic

If there's one thing I love to do, it's spend money. On my friends, myself, strangers who need a few extra dimes at the vending machines, or those creepy Salvation Army Santas who glare at you until you empty your pockets.

On a totally related note (I promise) I've

recently started working at a grocery store, and

have a lot of extra money to spend. The only

problem with that, is all my money has to be stored

on a strange, rectangular card made of flexible

plastic. And that thing has issues. We're talking

anorexia, social anxiety, depression, not to

mention it's blatant disregard for any rules I set

down.

That crazy card goes on a mad binge every two weeks, then suddenly, it throws up everything it possibly can before it's forced to eat again. No wonder it never gains any weight. As if that weren't bad enough it gets so tiny that I can rarely find it when I need it.

It's so ashamed of itself that it hides in the deepest folds of my bags, totally unwilling to let the rest of the world see it. It stays tucked away for ages. Half the time, when I do find it, it doesn't even work, or it swipes the wrong way so that people can't see it's face.

Don't get me wrong, I love my little anorexic piece of plastic, but there are days when I wish I could just snap it in half; It has a nasty rebellious side to it. It will go and purchase luxury items that are no where to be seen on my carefully laid-out shopping lists. This of course causes it to lose weight much faster, until it withers away into nearly nothing.

So for all of you out there with those strange plastic cards at your fingertips, take care to raise them well, in order to avoid such difficulties. If anyone's like me, you might do better to shop online. Check out http://www.noisebot.com/?gclid=CLjnr_KI_Z8CFeSL5wodlF4Hlw for a bit of a laugh, without the risk of your card throwing up.

Live long and prosper.

rain

Rain, rain go away,

Come again some other day.

We want to go outside and play,

come again some other day.

Is this not the stupidest poem ever? Who in their right mind would ever wish the rain away? It's probably the most brilliant invention ever. It cools everything off, and the clouds block the sun so that super pale people don't get sun-burnt. It also allows vampires to come out (of course I'm not referring to the ridiculous vampires that some people think live in Forks, Washington. I mean REAL vampires like Dracula).

Also: YAY FOR THUNDERSTORMS!!!

So now, I want you to think of the rainiest place you've ever been too. If it's the coast of England, or some remote rain-forest, then great! If the rainiest place you've ever been was Hawaii, you are either disgustingly rich, or you just live there. There is really no point to this. I just like it when people think about rain. It encourages the clouds.

For you entertainment, here is a poem about rain. ( I did not write it. Poetry is not my specialty)

http://www.mountainbike-expedition-team.de/pics/rain.gif

So maybe this wasn't actually meant to entertain you, but again, my theory is that if enough people think about rain,we will get more of it. That would be lovely. Thankyou!

May the Force be with you.

(Since Star Wars day was on May fourth, I've altered my sign-off for today)

PS It's a pain not being able to use smileys in my writing.

people are strange

People are strange.That's all there is to it. Need I say more?

No. I need not say more. But I still will. Of course the following saying that I will be doing may be totally unrelated to people and the fact that they are strange. (Don't get me wrong, I could on and on about how strange people are. But I believe it is good for you to experience these people for yourself.)

Now that I've squandered an entire paragraph telling you what I'm not going to say and why, I am going to write this paragraph. This paragraph is telling you all about how I wasted the previous paragraph on nothing. I will also tell you what I am going to talk about. I will be talking about what I'm going to talk about. Got it? Ok. The next paragraph has some good stuff in it, so keep reading.

This is the paragraph where is starts to get interesting. Notice that in the last paragraph, I told you that this paragraph would have good stuff in it, so here's the good stuff. The last paragraph also talked about the paragraph before, and now this paragraph is talking about what the previous paragraph said about the paragraph before that. Now this paragraph is talking about itself, because it's very self-centered. I'm sure you don't like self-centered paragraphs, so we'll be moving on.

This paragraph exists only so that you could get away from the self'centered paragraph, and to tell you the cause for this paragraph's existence. Now this sentence is talking about how the paragraph is talking about talking about why it is here, which is of course because no one likes a self-centered paragraph. Sadly, though, this paragraph has begun talking about itself too much as well. So here it must end.

This is the beginning of a new paragraph. If you have made it through all the previous paragraphs successfully, you should be pretty relieved to be reading this, because this is the last paragraph. This paragraph will summarize everything that has been mentioned so far, then conclude the post. People are strange. And now here's the conclusion. Are you ready for this? This paragraph is grateful that you finished it. Not many people have the patience for it, and it feels very left out most of the time. That is all.

I did not do any of this. http://www.problogger.net/archives/2005/12/30/tens-tips-for-writing-a-blog-post/

Live long and prosper.

purple velociraptors

Velociraptors are pretty damn cool. As demonstrated in Jurassic Park, they are also feakishly smart. However, I think that the creators of Jurassic Park, as well as most palaeontologists got their colour wrong.

I would like to believe that Velociraptors were purple. Not like Barney (he was a fat, non-dinosaur thing). They were a really deep purple with some black scales round their joints. They probably varied in shades, some coming closer to a deep red, while others were a little more blue-ish, or indigo-y.

Most theories would say this is impossible, because they need to blend in with their surroundings. But who's to say that plants weren't purple a billion years ago?? Screw chloroplasts.

Honestly, how could something green be intelligent? I mean, look at Pokémon (Gotta catch 'em all!). Most green Pokémon are plant-like, and pretty slow in the brain. You know what else is green? Zombies! They are so desperate for brains that they eat them. Finally, Oscar the grouch. He lived in a garbage can. Clearly he was not bright enough to have a job and get his own place.

Here's something to think about, maybe other dinosaurs would be in so much awe at the purple velociraptors that they wouldn't even know that they were being eaten. If you fear you will ever be distracted from saving yourself from a velociraptor, do what this guy does: http://xkcd.com/87/.

It is my sincere hope that the next dinosaur movie that is made will take these thoughts into account, and not disappoint the drifting spirits of billion year-old purple velociraptors.

cheez whiz

I'm sorry to have to break it to you, but Cheez Whiz is probably going to kill you. Personally, I've never liked it, but my little sister used to eat it every morning on her toast, sometimes with peanut butter. I have no idea how she did that. I've recently done some research on the bright orange goop, and I am soooooo happy I never at any of it.

Scary Fact #1: If you put Cheez Whiz in the freezer, it will become solid. Then when you take it out, it will thaw, but it will never soften. It just stays hard. That says something about the chemicals that they must put in it.

Scary Fact #2: Some of the chemicals used to make Cheez Whiz can also be found in house cleaning products. I'm sure those do great things for your body. For example, the industrial strength cleaner, trisodium phosphate somehow became a food additive.

Scary Fact #3: Cheez Whiz is actually purple-ish gray in colour before they add a load of orange food colouring. That's just not natural.

Scary Fact #4: Cheez Whiz glows in ultraviolet light.

Scary Fact #5: If you put a wick in it, you can burn a large jar as an emergency candle that lastsabout 6 hours.

Scary Fact #6: Although it may lose some of it's viscosity, Cheez Whiz doesn't actually expire for years if it's kept in a sealed jar.

Now I'm just speculating, but I'm pretty sure that if you eat Cheez Whiz right before a nuclear explosion, you will turn into some sort of zombie. As you know, zombies will overrun everything. http://gameinformer.com/cfs-filesystemfile.ashx/__key/CommunityServer.Blogs.Components.WeblogFiles/00.00.00.00.09/3683.Flowchart.jpgSo as a precaution, please, please avoid Cheez Whiz. I only have one flame thrower in my bunker.

Live long and prosper.

sick as dog

As you may have guessed, I am pretty frigging sick right now. I'm coughing up a storm, I can't swallow, my nose is clogged, and all my muscles ache...you get the picture. But it made me wonder, where on earth did the expression "sick as a dog" come from?

I don't think dogs get sick any more than people do. They probably get sick less actually. And when they do get sick, it's not always this big horrible ordeal that would inspire a new expression. So why do people chose to pick on dogs? I have plenty of friends who own dogs, and they all seem perfectly decent (the dogs I mean...not so sure about the friends...).

Anyways, seeing as I'm sick, I am far too lazy to research this. I let you down, I know. I apologize. But if you do happen to know where the expression came from, let me know. You will be the hero of a sick bitch (I'm assuming this is appropriate here since we are on the topic of dogs, and I am cranky out of my mind).

That reminds me, since DOG starts with D, that D is for Doctor Who Defeating Doctor Doom in a Deadly Disco Dance-off. This brings us to the fun site of the day (courtesy, once again, of my geekiest buddy). http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2010/03/25/the-most-badass-alphabet-ever/#comment-83256 This truly is the most badass alphabet ever. It makes a ton of Star Trek references, which makes me happy. Gotta go sleep off these evil bacteria now.

Live long and prosper.

PS. Interested in Bacteria?? Here is a BONUS SITE! http://www.cellsalive.com/ecoli.htm This is why we are not all dead.

plaid evil

Have you ever wondered why people wear weird things? Yeah. Me too. for example, why on earth would anyone in their right mind wear plaid flannel? I mean, unless you're living on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, it's hideous. If you are one of those people that wears plaid and checked shirts, STOP IT!

Do people think that just because a store or magazine says something, they have to do it? That's a terrible habit. And to quote Alice In Wonderland a little bit here (if you havn't seen it, please do so soon. It's amazing. I recommend the 3-D version. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjMkNrX60mA), if someone told you that wearing a codfish on your head was proper, would you do it? Then why do you insist on wearing plaid? It doesn't even match anything.

The other thing that bothers me about plaid shirts, is that guys and girls both wear them very similarly. The patterns and colours are identical. That's not to say that guys and girls can't wear similar clothing. I'm all for chicks wearing jeans. But when you get to a point where you can't tell guys and girls apart from the back, you've got a problem.

While we're on the subject of hideous items of clothing, what's with those Ugg boots? Sorry ladies, but they make you look like you just got back from mammoth hunting with your tribe. They look bad when they get wet, and I can't imagine that they're very warm when you use them as winter boot.

I am totally not sorry for trashing your clothing if you like that sort of stuff. Just don't do it.

Live long and prosper.

a lollipop the size of my face

So today I bought a lollipop.

It's the size of my face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42Lf7yNhdtk

This is relevant. Trust me.

That's pretty much it.

Live long and prosper.

stop looking at me, storm troopers!

I must have you know, that as I'm writing this, I am being watched. So I will speak in code.

Fiddich potato tray, under um dummdy attic. Crunchy guillotine.

That means nothing in any language at all. I'm just trying to throw off the Storm Troopers. There are about 20 of them standing in a poster on my wall, staring at me, and it's a little unsettling. I would take it down, but it was a gift from my friend.

Now I have a bit of a dilemma. Should I leave it up so my friend is happy with me, or should I choose to preserve my sanity? Quite honestly, there is very little sanity left to preserve. Yet this is the friend who asked me if I would kindly hide my Star Wars literature when she came over, so that it's easier for her to admit that she knows me.

As you surely know, the Storm Troopers were tools of the light side in "Star Wars- The Clone Wars" but then turned against the Jedi knights in "Star Wars- Revenge of the Sith" and fought for the dark side through the rest of the original trilogy. So I'm not sure which Storm Troopers are on my poster.

I would like to believe that they are the clones that saved Padme, Anakin and Obi Wan, along with hundreds of other Jedi Knights on Geonosis. In that case, they are still acceptable enough to be hanging on my wall.

In honour of Star Wars, here is today's link: http://edandmari.com/starwars/Lords.html

The Hall of the Sith Lords gives a lot of information on characters from the Star Wars books, as opposed to the movies. (You should read them). I hope it enlightens you.

After saying all that, and knowing full well that this is a completely different sci-fi series reference...

Live long and prosper.

sushi

I am covered in sticky rice. It's stuck all over my hands. I keep finding pieces on my back, my pants, even in my shoes. It's kind of like sand after a vacation, it just gets everywhere. I guess that's the price I had to pay for taking a sushi-rolling class this afternoon.

At least I know what I'll be eating for the next few weeks.

Somehow, sushi got me thinking about Firefly (the TV show). Probably because Mandarin was one of the main languages to survive. And I know that the Mandarin language has nothing to do with Japanese food, but it reminded me that I need to have a really good rant about the cancellation of Firefly at some point.

So since today's theme is Asian, here's a show you might enjoy: http://www.zomganime.com/search/Ouran+High+School+Host+Club

Ouran High School Host Club is rather addictive, so I would suggest you don't start watching until you have a lot of time. Actually, you'll probably only get to watch a couple episodes at a time, because Megavideo is stupid. (But I'm sure you already knew that)

Special thanks for this post goes to my buddy Kiwwieh. I'm not sure why, but she's kind of awesome. OH! I just came up with a reason. She was the one who showed me half of my favourite websites. And she speaks like lolcat. That alone makes her my hero.

In conclusion...there is sticky rice in my hair too!!!

Live long and prosper.

...and a pin with a kiss.

Good evening! Or good morning, depending on where you're from.

So just to give you a little bit of an idea of what you're dealing with here: I am absolutely mad. I'm one of those freakish kids who's hair is never the same colour for longer than a month. I am definitely a sci-fi geek, but that probably wasn't even worth mentioning. You'll figure it out soon enough.

My wardrobe is probably a little ahead of it's time, but it goes with my personality. One of my favourite pieces is a round black pin with a red kiss mark on it (I'd say it makes a milder statement than most of my stuff). I'm totally not boasting here, but you need to know up front that I am super creative, and most of what I say will probably not never make some sort of sense most of the time...I think. See what I'm saying?

Well, I think that's plenty about me. Now let's address the matter of you. You aren't doing your homework right now, are you? Perhaps you have a big project due tomorrow, or a job to finish, but you're spending your time on the internet. If that's the case, you are amazing, and you are not alone. If not, go away. I don't want you here. Of course I doubt anyone who isn't putting off something relatively important would be wasting their time on this anyways.

So to help those of you that love to procrastinate, I'll keep a steady stream of links to online comics, interesting game sites, and other fantastic blogs coming. Hmmm...I think introductions should be kept short and sweet don't you? So I'll show you my favourite comic site ever, then I'm off to bed. If you already know about this one, don't get too upset, it's rather popular. I just feel the desperate need to share it with anyone who has not yet experienced it's amazingness. http://xkcd.com/391/ .

Live long and prosper.