rain

Rain, rain go away,

Come again some other day.

We want to go outside and play,

come again some other day.

Is this not the stupidest poem ever? Who in their right mind would ever wish the rain away? It's probably the most brilliant invention ever. It cools everything off, and the clouds block the sun so that super pale people don't get sun-burnt. It also allows vampires to come out (of course I'm not referring to the ridiculous vampires that some people think live in Forks, Washington. I mean REAL vampires like Dracula).

Also: YAY FOR THUNDERSTORMS!!!

So now, I want you to think of the rainiest place you've ever been too. If it's the coast of England, or some remote rain-forest, then great! If the rainiest place you've ever been was Hawaii, you are either disgustingly rich, or you just live there. There is really no point to this. I just like it when people think about rain. It encourages the clouds.

For you entertainment, here is a poem about rain. ( I did not write it. Poetry is not my specialty)

http://www.mountainbike-expedition-team.de/pics/rain.gif

So maybe this wasn't actually meant to entertain you, but again, my theory is that if enough people think about rain,we will get more of it. That would be lovely. Thankyou!

May the Force be with you.

(Since Star Wars day was on May fourth, I've altered my sign-off for today)

PS It's a pain not being able to use smileys in my writing.

people are strange

People are strange.That's all there is to it. Need I say more?

No. I need not say more. But I still will. Of course the following saying that I will be doing may be totally unrelated to people and the fact that they are strange. (Don't get me wrong, I could on and on about how strange people are. But I believe it is good for you to experience these people for yourself.)

Now that I've squandered an entire paragraph telling you what I'm not going to say and why, I am going to write this paragraph. This paragraph is telling you all about how I wasted the previous paragraph on nothing. I will also tell you what I am going to talk about. I will be talking about what I'm going to talk about. Got it? Ok. The next paragraph has some good stuff in it, so keep reading.

This is the paragraph where is starts to get interesting. Notice that in the last paragraph, I told you that this paragraph would have good stuff in it, so here's the good stuff. The last paragraph also talked about the paragraph before, and now this paragraph is talking about what the previous paragraph said about the paragraph before that. Now this paragraph is talking about itself, because it's very self-centered. I'm sure you don't like self-centered paragraphs, so we'll be moving on.

This paragraph exists only so that you could get away from the self'centered paragraph, and to tell you the cause for this paragraph's existence. Now this sentence is talking about how the paragraph is talking about talking about why it is here, which is of course because no one likes a self-centered paragraph. Sadly, though, this paragraph has begun talking about itself too much as well. So here it must end.

This is the beginning of a new paragraph. If you have made it through all the previous paragraphs successfully, you should be pretty relieved to be reading this, because this is the last paragraph. This paragraph will summarize everything that has been mentioned so far, then conclude the post. People are strange. And now here's the conclusion. Are you ready for this? This paragraph is grateful that you finished it. Not many people have the patience for it, and it feels very left out most of the time. That is all.

I did not do any of this. http://www.problogger.net/archives/2005/12/30/tens-tips-for-writing-a-blog-post/

Live long and prosper.

purple velociraptors

Velociraptors are pretty damn cool. As demonstrated in Jurassic Park, they are also feakishly smart. However, I think that the creators of Jurassic Park, as well as most palaeontologists got their colour wrong.

I would like to believe that Velociraptors were purple. Not like Barney (he was a fat, non-dinosaur thing). They were a really deep purple with some black scales round their joints. They probably varied in shades, some coming closer to a deep red, while others were a little more blue-ish, or indigo-y.

Most theories would say this is impossible, because they need to blend in with their surroundings. But who's to say that plants weren't purple a billion years ago?? Screw chloroplasts.

Honestly, how could something green be intelligent? I mean, look at Pokémon (Gotta catch 'em all!). Most green Pokémon are plant-like, and pretty slow in the brain. You know what else is green? Zombies! They are so desperate for brains that they eat them. Finally, Oscar the grouch. He lived in a garbage can. Clearly he was not bright enough to have a job and get his own place.

Here's something to think about, maybe other dinosaurs would be in so much awe at the purple velociraptors that they wouldn't even know that they were being eaten. If you fear you will ever be distracted from saving yourself from a velociraptor, do what this guy does: http://xkcd.com/87/.

It is my sincere hope that the next dinosaur movie that is made will take these thoughts into account, and not disappoint the drifting spirits of billion year-old purple velociraptors.

cheez whiz

I'm sorry to have to break it to you, but Cheez Whiz is probably going to kill you. Personally, I've never liked it, but my little sister used to eat it every morning on her toast, sometimes with peanut butter. I have no idea how she did that. I've recently done some research on the bright orange goop, and I am soooooo happy I never at any of it.

Scary Fact #1: If you put Cheez Whiz in the freezer, it will become solid. Then when you take it out, it will thaw, but it will never soften. It just stays hard. That says something about the chemicals that they must put in it.

Scary Fact #2: Some of the chemicals used to make Cheez Whiz can also be found in house cleaning products. I'm sure those do great things for your body. For example, the industrial strength cleaner, trisodium phosphate somehow became a food additive.

Scary Fact #3: Cheez Whiz is actually purple-ish gray in colour before they add a load of orange food colouring. That's just not natural.

Scary Fact #4: Cheez Whiz glows in ultraviolet light.

Scary Fact #5: If you put a wick in it, you can burn a large jar as an emergency candle that lastsabout 6 hours.

Scary Fact #6: Although it may lose some of it's viscosity, Cheez Whiz doesn't actually expire for years if it's kept in a sealed jar.

Now I'm just speculating, but I'm pretty sure that if you eat Cheez Whiz right before a nuclear explosion, you will turn into some sort of zombie. As you know, zombies will overrun everything. http://gameinformer.com/cfs-filesystemfile.ashx/__key/CommunityServer.Blogs.Components.WeblogFiles/00.00.00.00.09/3683.Flowchart.jpgSo as a precaution, please, please avoid Cheez Whiz. I only have one flame thrower in my bunker.

Live long and prosper.

sick as dog

As you may have guessed, I am pretty frigging sick right now. I'm coughing up a storm, I can't swallow, my nose is clogged, and all my muscles ache...you get the picture. But it made me wonder, where on earth did the expression "sick as a dog" come from?

I don't think dogs get sick any more than people do. They probably get sick less actually. And when they do get sick, it's not always this big horrible ordeal that would inspire a new expression. So why do people chose to pick on dogs? I have plenty of friends who own dogs, and they all seem perfectly decent (the dogs I mean...not so sure about the friends...).

Anyways, seeing as I'm sick, I am far too lazy to research this. I let you down, I know. I apologize. But if you do happen to know where the expression came from, let me know. You will be the hero of a sick bitch (I'm assuming this is appropriate here since we are on the topic of dogs, and I am cranky out of my mind).

That reminds me, since DOG starts with D, that D is for Doctor Who Defeating Doctor Doom in a Deadly Disco Dance-off. This brings us to the fun site of the day (courtesy, once again, of my geekiest buddy). http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2010/03/25/the-most-badass-alphabet-ever/#comment-83256 This truly is the most badass alphabet ever. It makes a ton of Star Trek references, which makes me happy. Gotta go sleep off these evil bacteria now.

Live long and prosper.

PS. Interested in Bacteria?? Here is a BONUS SITE! http://www.cellsalive.com/ecoli.htm This is why we are not all dead.

plaid evil

Have you ever wondered why people wear weird things? Yeah. Me too. for example, why on earth would anyone in their right mind wear plaid flannel? I mean, unless you're living on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, it's hideous. If you are one of those people that wears plaid and checked shirts, STOP IT!

Do people think that just because a store or magazine says something, they have to do it? That's a terrible habit. And to quote Alice In Wonderland a little bit here (if you havn't seen it, please do so soon. It's amazing. I recommend the 3-D version. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjMkNrX60mA), if someone told you that wearing a codfish on your head was proper, would you do it? Then why do you insist on wearing plaid? It doesn't even match anything.

The other thing that bothers me about plaid shirts, is that guys and girls both wear them very similarly. The patterns and colours are identical. That's not to say that guys and girls can't wear similar clothing. I'm all for chicks wearing jeans. But when you get to a point where you can't tell guys and girls apart from the back, you've got a problem.

While we're on the subject of hideous items of clothing, what's with those Ugg boots? Sorry ladies, but they make you look like you just got back from mammoth hunting with your tribe. They look bad when they get wet, and I can't imagine that they're very warm when you use them as winter boot.

I am totally not sorry for trashing your clothing if you like that sort of stuff. Just don't do it.

Live long and prosper.

a lollipop the size of my face

So today I bought a lollipop.

It's the size of my face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42Lf7yNhdtk

This is relevant. Trust me.

That's pretty much it.

Live long and prosper.