bloggers

Is there some unspoken internet rule that says bloggers may not talk about bloggers? I sincerely hope not. Because I think it's time to delve into the subject of people who really need to stay off the internet.

I'm not saying that I have any more right than the next person to write a blog, but I've definitely read a lot of things that made me want to shoot myself. That can't be a good thing. It made me wonder why people think their material is interesting to read. Again, I am already well aware that the only person reading this is me.

The first big issue I have is with people that are TOO casual. They'll open with "I hope you like my blog...or don't. I don't care". If you don't care if people are reading your blog, then why are you writing it? Obviously, there's some secret little glimmer of despair deep within your mind begging for attention, so just admit it!

Then are people who just share too much about themselves, and their problems. Nobody wants to go onto your blog expecting a good rant, only to find out that the writer has poured out their entire, depressing life story. If they want a sobfest, they'll read Nicholas Sparks in a bubble bath, maybe with a few scented candles for extra effect.

And don't get me started on the pretentious whores. Oh wait, you already did. Please please please, for the love of all that is deeper than your cakey makeup, do not try to sound deep. If you have thought of it, someone has definitely thought of it before. You're not a Philosopher.

Finally, there are just flat out idiots. it really pisses me off when people go on a rant, or decide to share something that they feel is important, but they are totally uninformed and yet trying to sound like an expert on the subject. JFGI, or STFU. Additionally, stay off Wikipedia. It only tell you what you want to hear, and makes you seem even more stupid than you already are.

Also, in order to not sound like a hypcrite, I looked up the rules of the internet, and so far, am not in violation. http://knowyourmeme.com/i/30662/original/rules.jpg.jpg?1260852319

Live long and prosper.

espresso

For centuries, parents have been discouraging their children from doing drugs. Which is totally understandable. They do horrible things to your brain. I'll try not to preach about that too much, but it really feels like today could turn into a rant day.

One thing that really makes me laugh though, is when mothers tell their daughters to stop smoking pot, right after ordering them a quadruple shot latte in a coffee shop (a personal favourite of mine). Maybe they just don't understand the addictive qualities in coffee that are also present in any other drug. When people wake up in the morning with a headache, and need their coffee fix, it's an addiction.

Some people that I know, (not gonna name any names, but it is NOT me) are hooked to the point that they are physically sick if they don't get caffeine for a couple days. It doesn't matter though, because it's delicious. Here a are a few more things you might want to know about coffee http://theoatmeal.com/comics/coffee/

On the subject of overpriced coffee, I would just like to point out that that is what is making you fat. People don't realize that unless you specifically order a non-fat/sugar-free drink, or just have straight coffee, there are a billion calories in there. You are paying to be fat. I totally don't have anything against coffee, just stop complaining.

Drugs are good.

Live long and prosper.

yellow snow

I would just like to add something to my last post: Due to scheduling conflicts, and someone's best interest, cream cheese has been added to the icing. That is all.

So the weather's getting colder. Snow's piling up (eh). The year is coming to a close. Since this is such an important time of year, a lot of people are focused on themselves, and are determined to set new goals to better themselves. It's such a hectic time, in fact, that most people forget a lot of the basic rules of survival that scraped them through natural selection.

People, (ok, let's be honest here...)

Person, I am here to get you through the new year. Here are a few things you will need to remember in everyday life. I'll skip over the obvious things like sleeping and partying it up every so often. Those will come naturally. Other things, like breathing, may be a little trickier for you to master.

1) Rules one and two.

2) RULES ONE AND TWO! (It's not that hard people!!!)

3) When given the choice between veggies and cake, pick cake.

4) Gravy boats works better when they have chocolate sauce in them.

5) Don't talk to people on the bus. Even if it is the holiday season, it's still creepy.

6) If your sock has a hole in it, you'll be wearing boots anyways.

7) Stop signs aren't optional... on the third Tuesday day of every month that starts with an M, as long as the digits of that day add up to 6.

8) If you listen to Justin Beaver, Lolcat will eat your cookeez.

9) Don't lick frozen metal poles, silly.

10) Don't eat the yellow snow. (This one is especially tricky to remember, but I KNOW you can do it.)

I hope you follow these guidelines, and are successful in surviving the most wonderful time of the year. http://corndogger.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/invisible-frozen-pole-271x300.jpg

Live long and prosper.

cupcake

Cupcake cupcake cupcupcake. Cuppety-cake cake cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cake? Cupcake. Cupcake cup cakecake cupcake. Cupcake cupcake-cupcake cuppycake cup. Cup cake. Cupcakey. Cakey cup! Cupcake.

Cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cup cakecake cake. Cup. Cupcakecup. Cakecup. Cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cupcake. Cuppy cakey! Cupcup. Cupcake. Cup cake cupcake cupcake.

Icing. Hells yes, icing.

Cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cup... cake. Cuppy cupcake. Cakeddy cupcake. Cup cupcake. Cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cuppycakester cup cup. Cupcake cake cake cake. Cupcake. Cupcake-cake. Cup? Cake! Cupcake.

Cupcake cupcake cupcake cup. Cake. Cup cakecup. Cakey cup cuppy. Cake cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake cupcake. Cupcake. Cup cake cupcake.

Sprinkles.

Still not hungry? http://www.allthingscupcake.com/

Live long and prosper.

bullies are people too

I'm just gonna dive right into this. What's with all these anti-bully days or weeks that keep taking place in schools? Isn't the basis of bullying making someone feel badly for being different that you are? For picking on them because you don't like what they do? Anti-bullying days totally defeat the point of anti-bullying days.

Has no one even thought that bullies are mean simply because people wanted them gone? Bullies bully people, and therefore said people hold anti-bully days. These anti-bully days make bullies feel terrible, which causes them to bully people even more. You still with me?

It's one of those obnoxious chicken vs. egg things. Which started first? You tell me. Vicious cycles are one of my biggest pet peeves. Someone or something in the cycle just needs to be the bigger man and leave the country.

So guys, if you're going to take anything away from this, just remember that bullies are people too. They're born, they grow up, they die, and THEY HAVE RIGHTS!

Live long and prosper.

PS. Bullying: It all starts here... http://www.thosefunnypictures.com/picture/6592/sumo-babies.html

anorexic plastic

If there's one thing I love to do, it's spend money. On my friends, myself, strangers who need a few extra dimes at the vending machines, or those creepy Salvation Army Santas who glare at you until you empty your pockets.

On a totally related note (I promise) I've

recently started working at a grocery store, and

have a lot of extra money to spend. The only

problem with that, is all my money has to be stored

on a strange, rectangular card made of flexible

plastic. And that thing has issues. We're talking

anorexia, social anxiety, depression, not to

mention it's blatant disregard for any rules I set

down.

That crazy card goes on a mad binge every two weeks, then suddenly, it throws up everything it possibly can before it's forced to eat again. No wonder it never gains any weight. As if that weren't bad enough it gets so tiny that I can rarely find it when I need it.

It's so ashamed of itself that it hides in the deepest folds of my bags, totally unwilling to let the rest of the world see it. It stays tucked away for ages. Half the time, when I do find it, it doesn't even work, or it swipes the wrong way so that people can't see it's face.

Don't get me wrong, I love my little anorexic piece of plastic, but there are days when I wish I could just snap it in half; It has a nasty rebellious side to it. It will go and purchase luxury items that are no where to be seen on my carefully laid-out shopping lists. This of course causes it to lose weight much faster, until it withers away into nearly nothing.

So for all of you out there with those strange plastic cards at your fingertips, take care to raise them well, in order to avoid such difficulties. If anyone's like me, you might do better to shop online. Check out http://www.noisebot.com/?gclid=CLjnr_KI_Z8CFeSL5wodlF4Hlw for a bit of a laugh, without the risk of your card throwing up.

Live long and prosper.

rain

Rain, rain go away,

Come again some other day.

We want to go outside and play,

come again some other day.

Is this not the stupidest poem ever? Who in their right mind would ever wish the rain away? It's probably the most brilliant invention ever. It cools everything off, and the clouds block the sun so that super pale people don't get sun-burnt. It also allows vampires to come out (of course I'm not referring to the ridiculous vampires that some people think live in Forks, Washington. I mean REAL vampires like Dracula).

Also: YAY FOR THUNDERSTORMS!!!

So now, I want you to think of the rainiest place you've ever been too. If it's the coast of England, or some remote rain-forest, then great! If the rainiest place you've ever been was Hawaii, you are either disgustingly rich, or you just live there. There is really no point to this. I just like it when people think about rain. It encourages the clouds.

For you entertainment, here is a poem about rain. ( I did not write it. Poetry is not my specialty)

http://www.mountainbike-expedition-team.de/pics/rain.gif

So maybe this wasn't actually meant to entertain you, but again, my theory is that if enough people think about rain,we will get more of it. That would be lovely. Thankyou!

May the Force be with you.

(Since Star Wars day was on May fourth, I've altered my sign-off for today)

PS It's a pain not being able to use smileys in my writing.