beaches

Sometimes, people are like beaches. They spill their dirty sand all over your new bathing suit, and you just don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. But then you go home, and clean yourself off, and you realize that there aren't any other beaches within walking distance. There are a few amusement parks around , but there are days when you feel a bit masochistic and want to subject yourself to sweltering heat and sunburns. This is why people are like beaches.

Sometimes people are like hippos. They're just so fat, but you love them so much that you pretend that they aren't. They just need to be comfortable enough with themselves to be around other people. No one likes skinny hippos. The magazines have got it wrong. This is why people are like hippos. Speaking of which, anyone remember this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HPI_HT6yjo

Sometimes, people are like chocolate cake. They are just so delicious. This is why people are like chocolate cakes.

one percent

Where did the extra one percent go?? Just so you guys understand what I'm talking about I've left up the poll from my previous post as a visual aid. (It's to the left...)

Three whole people let their opinions be heard; a new record! But that's besides the point. Pay close attention to the percentages of the votes. The option that received two votes scored 66%. The other option received one vote, and scored 33 %. 33 plus 66 equals 99. So what I want to know is where that extra percent went! (Excuse the rhyme.)

Is it like tax deduction for blogs? When enough people start voting, the total sum of the percentages decreases, because the extra percents are feeding some frightening, all-ruling/seeing supercomputer?

This is about as far as I've though into this. Haha. So today's link is totally unrelated, but I'm sure you'll enjoy it anyways. http://smilepanic.com/creative-sandwiches Because I'm pretty hungry.

Live long and prosper.

whatever was in my soup

I don't know about you, but I personally hate when you open a package of something, only to find that it's something else, or in some cases, exactly what it says it is, with something else cleverly hidden within it. Very rarely do I experience excitement upon finding mystery substances in my food.

A couple days ago, I went through a couple such experiences.

The first occurred when I went to my fridge, looking for the sour cream I needed to make pancakes. After a couple minutes of rummaging through that disaster zone, I finally came upon the sour cream container. Notice I said "container". When took the lid off and nearly poured it straight into my batter, I realized that it was not sour cream, but left over mac and cheese that someone had stored in an old container from the cupboard. Oh well. Cheesy noodle pancakes are my favourite.

The next day, after having already devoured a Big Mac combo, a grilled cheese, a handful of chips (Mrs. Vickie's S&V), and a large bowl of brownie chunk ice cream, I had a sudden craving for Swedish Berries. I decided that I wasn't already enough of a fat-ass, so I made an emergency trip to the drug store across the street at 11 pm. Back at home, I set myself to work downing the candy. Near the bottom of the bag, I pulled out an orange Sour Patch Kid, completely devoid of sour. Without thinking, I shoved it into my mouth and it was gone. Hey, candy's candy.

Then, yesterday at work, I had this container of Campbell's Thai Chicken and Veg. soup to heat up for my lunch. You can imagine my surprise when I took off the lid, and discovered chunks of beef floating around next to my carrots. I had a good mind to put on my best Indian accent, call up a legal hotline, and sue Campbell's asses off. How dare they try to serve me pieces of a large, sacred animal in the place of torn up flightless bird parts?

I guess companies think they can get away with putting anything in front of their clientele, and are counting on them being so hungry that they will just eat it anyways (much like me). Have you ever opened a food package to find something else inside? Did you eat it anyways? Let me know in the comments! And to give credit to the few honest companies, this label is very clear about what is in their product http://www.innocentenglish.com/funny-pics/best-pics/diet-water-pic.jpg .

Live long and prosper.

bloggers

Is there some unspoken internet rule that says bloggers may not talk about bloggers? I sincerely hope not. Because I think it's time to delve into the subject of people who really need to stay off the internet.

I'm not saying that I have any more right than the next person to write a blog, but I've definitely read a lot of things that made me want to shoot myself. That can't be a good thing. It made me wonder why people think their material is interesting to read. Again, I am already well aware that the only person reading this is me.

The first big issue I have is with people that are TOO casual. They'll open with "I hope you like my blog...or don't. I don't care". If you don't care if people are reading your blog, then why are you writing it? Obviously, there's some secret little glimmer of despair deep within your mind begging for attention, so just admit it!

Then are people who just share too much about themselves, and their problems. Nobody wants to go onto your blog expecting a good rant, only to find out that the writer has poured out their entire, depressing life story. If they want a sobfest, they'll read Nicholas Sparks in a bubble bath, maybe with a few scented candles for extra effect.

And don't get me started on the pretentious whores. Oh wait, you already did. Please please please, for the love of all that is deeper than your cakey makeup, do not try to sound deep. If you have thought of it, someone has definitely thought of it before. You're not a Philosopher.

Finally, there are just flat out idiots. it really pisses me off when people go on a rant, or decide to share something that they feel is important, but they are totally uninformed and yet trying to sound like an expert on the subject. JFGI, or STFU. Additionally, stay off Wikipedia. It only tell you what you want to hear, and makes you seem even more stupid than you already are.

Also, in order to not sound like a hypcrite, I looked up the rules of the internet, and so far, am not in violation. http://knowyourmeme.com/i/30662/original/rules.jpg.jpg?1260852319

Live long and prosper.